UNITE TEH FUGLIES

OMFG ISH!

I think I'm going to have a heart attack.

I'm so pissed right now. Mostly because I feel like an ass. A real big ass. I keep thinking about shit I did and said and it hurts type ass. I went out with my roommate to a bar. We met up with some girls that he works with. They're all hot save for one. SO guess which one wants to bone me? Yup. And guess which ones act like they dont know me when they're dancing in their little dance circle. My friend is dancing and laughing it up with them while I'm on the outside like an asshole. I'm too sober NOT to feel like an asshole. One of the girls doesnt even make eye contact with me. SO thats going great. Then theres this one girl that I'm practically in love with. I text her stupid shit every once in awhile and I even left a drunk message on her cell phone saying I love her or something. Im not even sure what I said. So, I want to get with this bitch then I find out tonight that she had a boyfriend. FUCK. I wouldnt text her all that shit if I knew. Now I realize why she acted so damn weird around me that night. I see her boyfriend and he the type of guy you would expect to be "the boyfriend". He's some pretty boy in a button down shirt. I see him and all I can think about is breaking his damn nose. Thing is hes probably bigger than me. Not like I would really fight him anyway, I just would like to know that I could beat him. So I'm jealous of my friend that all these girls like him and are dancing with him and not me. I'm pissed that they are ignoring me. Then my paranoid ass is thinking that this girl I want to get with told these girls that I want to get with her, keep him away, or some shit like that. The girl always says she doesnt like to dance. The fuck if she wasnt dancing tonight. I read this girl all wrong. I thought she was single. I still feel like an ass right now, so I can barely think. I really can't describe how stupid I feel right now. I kinda feel like I just got caught by Chris Hanson. Or my mom caught me jerking off to animal porn. Gotta sleep, so I turn all this anger to depression so I can lower my heart rate.

Tuesday... the suck

so there is this guy where I work that used to fuck with me all the time. He is one of the favorites in my dept, so I just kept my mouth shut. it wasn't the case last week. Mr. tonto was making some comments about the way I did my business(being vague here), so I kinda of told him that maybe he should either reserve his comments to himself, or buy a mirror, then I followed with a quote from Mark Twain :"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.". So now, the gurls from that dept are giving me the cold shoulder, but thats okay because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!. and me not Giving a fuck makes me cooler, or something like that.
Also I received some fucking moronic ass email from a family member, broadcasted to all the family, regarding some fake ass mambo jambo regarding democrats. So I replied with a smart ass comment. It is not that I don't respect the elders, it is just that spreading lies and half-truths about politics its garbage, liberal or conservative.
When I make more money I will turn republican, but for now, I will just remain independent.

I wanna give a few Fuck yous in a shout out style:

A big FU to media channels still running Anna Nicole Smitshit articles
A carcinogenic FU to whoever is lying in this global warming debate.
A nice HMO FU to my health insurance.
A Thick ass FU DICK to all teasing girls.
A chunky peanut butter FU to this fat guy in the gym I attend, always smelling like olives.
A sweet n sour FU to the chinese restaurant that fucked up my order.
A heart felt FU to all underpaid 9-5 jobs.
and finally, a fatfree kielbasa loving FU to the karma king, whose birthday is coming soon.

Tubbster

Why do morbidly obese children look so arrogant?

Quit playing

Is there anything wrong with this? No, I didnt think so.

I'm never going to get vagina

I'm falling asleep right now. Not because I'm tired, but becuase I'm drunk. And I'm farting because of the vanilla ice cream and plum wine I had earlier. You must be wondering waht I'm doing typing this on 2AM the night of St. Patty's day. Well lets just say that a cetain someone that I live with is upstairs about to land some vagina while I'm downstairs listening to a mix CD of disco dance songs to drown out any sex sounds. Now lets be honest. I'm not with anyone right now because I have no game. I spent tonight staring off into space, talking to a dude that also wasn't part of the inner circle of friends that we ran into, and talking to a friend of a friend that I think is really cute. My lame ass was hoping that I could get some play from her because she was really drunk but my kARMA is low so no such luck. So I had to drive my friends car tonight because I was the least drunk of the four of us. And while driving home I joked that I was one of the scariest men in America or someother nonsens, and the cute girl the I wanted to get with said," DOn't say that, you're a nice guy." And you know what that means. SHe thinks I'm a fag and Im never getting any play from her. "Nice guy" is girl slang for 'dude I will never ever fuck'. Other things that make me this happy are going to work, being robbed and contracting untreatable diseases. Hey god, can I have my check please.

The Bar Has Eyes

Did you ever wonder where people with STDs go to meet with other people with STDs? I think I found it. Tonight. They have $1 drinks til midnight and all the trashy vagina you can stand to look at. Talk about awkward. Its no big deal to me when everyone stares at me like I'm from the moon. I like the attention.

Faith in Humans v1.0

This is a new segment, where I talk or present to you things that makes me have faith in humans.



This group of geniuses must be right out of Mensa. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

Cooking Ladies

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1. Doggy. 2. Knees to shoulders. 3. ALL OVER.
Feed me. Fuck me. Thank you.