Tuesday... the suck

so there is this guy where I work that used to fuck with me all the time. He is one of the favorites in my dept, so I just kept my mouth shut. it wasn't the case last week. Mr. tonto was making some comments about the way I did my business(being vague here), so I kinda of told him that maybe he should either reserve his comments to himself, or buy a mirror, then I followed with a quote from Mark Twain :"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.". So now, the gurls from that dept are giving me the cold shoulder, but thats okay because I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!. and me not Giving a fuck makes me cooler, or something like that.
Also I received some fucking moronic ass email from a family member, broadcasted to all the family, regarding some fake ass mambo jambo regarding democrats. So I replied with a smart ass comment. It is not that I don't respect the elders, it is just that spreading lies and half-truths about politics its garbage, liberal or conservative.
When I make more money I will turn republican, but for now, I will just remain independent.

I wanna give a few Fuck yous in a shout out style:

A big FU to media channels still running Anna Nicole Smitshit articles
A carcinogenic FU to whoever is lying in this global warming debate.
A nice HMO FU to my health insurance.
A Thick ass FU DICK to all teasing girls.
A chunky peanut butter FU to this fat guy in the gym I attend, always smelling like olives.
A sweet n sour FU to the chinese restaurant that fucked up my order.
A heart felt FU to all underpaid 9-5 jobs.
and finally, a fatfree kielbasa loving FU to the karma king, whose birthday is coming soon.

Tubbster

Why do morbidly obese children look so arrogant?

Quit playing

Is there anything wrong with this? No, I didnt think so.

I'm never going to get vagina

I'm falling asleep right now. Not because I'm tired, but becuase I'm drunk. And I'm farting because of the vanilla ice cream and plum wine I had earlier. You must be wondering waht I'm doing typing this on 2AM the night of St. Patty's day. Well lets just say that a cetain someone that I live with is upstairs about to land some vagina while I'm downstairs listening to a mix CD of disco dance songs to drown out any sex sounds. Now lets be honest. I'm not with anyone right now because I have no game. I spent tonight staring off into space, talking to a dude that also wasn't part of the inner circle of friends that we ran into, and talking to a friend of a friend that I think is really cute. My lame ass was hoping that I could get some play from her because she was really drunk but my kARMA is low so no such luck. So I had to drive my friends car tonight because I was the least drunk of the four of us. And while driving home I joked that I was one of the scariest men in America or someother nonsens, and the cute girl the I wanted to get with said," DOn't say that, you're a nice guy." And you know what that means. SHe thinks I'm a fag and Im never getting any play from her. "Nice guy" is girl slang for 'dude I will never ever fuck'. Other things that make me this happy are going to work, being robbed and contracting untreatable diseases. Hey god, can I have my check please.

The Bar Has Eyes

Did you ever wonder where people with STDs go to meet with other people with STDs? I think I found it. Tonight. They have $1 drinks til midnight and all the trashy vagina you can stand to look at. Talk about awkward. Its no big deal to me when everyone stares at me like I'm from the moon. I like the attention.

Faith in Humans v1.0

This is a new segment, where I talk or present to you things that makes me have faith in humans.



This group of geniuses must be right out of Mensa. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!

Cooking Ladies

1.
2.
3.
1. Doggy. 2. Knees to shoulders. 3. ALL OVER.
Feed me. Fuck me. Thank you.

Lose your appetite

7 Year Old Girl Weighs 400lbs Or 141kg
Fuk this. This is rubbish! Fuk her parents. Fuk her neighbors. Fuk her teachers. They all deserve a kick to the face. How the fuck do you get that fat? Thats no accident. When you have to move like a walrus, it's time to take notice. Shouldnt her parents be arrested? It's fuking child endangerment. 400 fuking poundS! I dare you to TRY and get that big. Its not happening because its fuking ridiculous. I want to smack EVERYONE in the video. Including the reporter.

Tap me out babe

Yea hmmmm... don't. Be Aware - this hot babe walking the streets of NYC is the beloved daughter of a Gracie. Thats right. She is a black belt Gracie Jiu-Jitsu practitioner. She fights boys and beats them. Her name is Kyra... so if you see a girl that looks like her in a bar... do a "name shout" test. If she looks back.. get ur ass out of that bar asap. Also stay on the look out for guys around her with bat ears. I personally, would hit on her just for the thrill of it, hell I might even let her tap me out.. .or give me an anaconda choke...

Sleep Haiku

When I fall asleep
in the bathroom stall at work
the smell wakes me up.

OMFG THIS GIRL IS DRIVING ME MENTAL

I work with a lot of women, some cute and some really hot. One in particular makes the front of my pants expand(Buju - Champion, listen to the song). Her face is a little rounder than Natalie Portman's and the contour of her body makes me drool. She is all natural too, when I make her laugh she jiggles, and I get back pains.
I can't figure this girl out. She seems to be a really nice person, and that makes me feel like shit cuz I just want to get some crunchy peanut butter on my baguette. One of my coworkers(a Female) tried to hook us up, and she found out she was in a relationship. I really don't care, as long as she doesn't care. I f'ed up. She asked what cell phone service I use, and I didn't take advantage of the situation. 2nd time she asks me about my phone service. Bullet in the Brain.
This is a particular hot picture of Natalie Portman, she looks like she is untangling her hair from dried karmaking milk.

Past Love Haiku

An ode to "Chocolate Mel"

The girls that dump you
always get better looking.
Fuck you irony.

Jerk Sandwich Recipe

Take 3 parties.
Tell 1 friend that you'll go then forget about it the next day.
Tell 2nd friend that you won't make it because you're feeling down and don't feel like driving to celebrate his birthday.
Don't say shit to 3rd friend.
Stay at home and watch Naruto on Cartoon Network.
Get 4th friend to drive you to bar. Get drunk. Jump from bar to bar. Leave.
On ride home call 3 people you never talk to and leave annoying drunk messages.
Tell friend to pull over. Vomit.
When you get home let ingredients bake until you realize how shitty of a night you had.

Office Romance - Haiku

I work with fat men
There are no attractive girls
My penis hates me

I Love the Police

One of my local state troopers was nice enough to pull me over and have a little chat with me. Being the swell guy that he is, he did me a favor and gave me a ticket only for careless driving(Yummy 2 points!) and not for speeding. How the FUCK is that doing me a favor? I dont want your gaddam ticket. Why dont you let me go home? That's a favor. And while your at it, why dont you lick my balls. A favor would be if he let me use his taser on him. I guess when you level up to supreme dickhead level, doing the lesser of two evils is considered a FAVOR. Like shooting someone in the head instead of shooting them in the penis. I'm gonna have a talk with my insurance company and then drop a dumbbell on my neck.

Angel-A

Looks like a cool movie, right? It does. Shame I can't understand it. It's a French movie but the copy I have has Spanish dubs without English subtitles. I can barely speak English so trying to fight through a Spanish dub is out of the question. The pictures in the movie still look purty though. I just can't understand anything being said. It's kinda like a rap video.